Sweet Surrender
by lahmrh
Summary: <html><head></head>Kirk and Spock finally get together (with help from McCoy) and have lots of sex. A K/S parody.</html>


Author's Note: This is _not_ intended to mock Kirk/Spock as a concept. I love K/S, as anyone who's read some of my other fics can attest, and this is meant as a bit of fun for fellow shippers.

Written for a challenge to write a deliberate badfic, with help from The Big List of K/S Cliches. (Google it.) Hope you enjoy!

**Sweet Surrender**

Kirk looked longingly at Spock. He had never ever been attracted to a man before, but then he had met Spock, with his elegant pointed ears and pert little ass, and suddenly it was all he could think about. The Vulcan was perfect in every way, and Kirk was desperately in love with him, but he could never tell Spock for fear the other man would turn away in disgust. Their friendship was far too precious to ever malign it with the truth.

With a sigh, Kirk turned back to the reports he was meant to be signing, a second before Spock turned and, with an equally desperate love, gazed longingly at his captain. Everyone around them rolled their eyes and pretended not to see.

At that moment, the ship was attacked by an unidentified craft. It shot at the Enterprise, and Kirk ordered the Enterprise to shoot back. They did and the ship was destroyed.

"Bother," said Kirk. "I was hoping we could identify it first. Command hates it when I check the 'unidentified' box on the forms."

He glanced over at Spock, as he had not looked at him for almost a full minute, and gasped in horror. Spock was rubbing his hand and looking a tiny bit less stoic than he usually did! Clearly something was very wrong.

Kirk rushed over. "Spock!" he exclaimed. "Are you hurt?"

Spock looked up and raised an eyebrow. "I'm fine, Captain. It is merely a bruise. I struck my hand on the console when the ship shook."

Kirk shook his head firmly. He knew how sensitive Vulcan hands were and knew that Spock was just being brave. "No, Spock. It is clearly something. Look, it's causing you to use contractions. You never do that. Well, except for that time, and that other time, and the dozens of other times. But still! It's a sign that you must go to sickbay right away!"

Spock raised the other eyebrow. He didn't think he needed to go to sickbay, but he could never resist Kirk when he used that tone. "Very well," he said. "I shall go to sickbay."

"I'll go with you," Kirk said, and off they went.

(Meanwhile a redshirt lay dead in the corner, but he was an extra so no one cared.)

oOoOoOoOoOo

In sickbay, McCoy was trying to decide if the recent turbulence was enough excuse for him to visit the bridge and bug Kirk and Spock. He loved being a doctor, but he had to admit sickbay got very boring sometimes when there weren't people to fix up and redshirts to declare dead.

Just then, Kirk and Spock walked in, Kirk hovering anxiously at Spock's side. "Bones!" Kirk cried. "You have to help Spock. He has a bruise on his hand and he _used a contraction_."

McCoy rolled his eyes, but ushered them over to a bed. (Well, he ushered Spock over to a bed. Kirk just refused to leave his side.) At least it was more interesting than counting hyposprays.

He checked Spock's hand and treated the bruise. "Do you feel better now?" Kirk asked, stroking Spock's arm in a not-entirely-platonic way.

"Yes, Captain," Spock replied, not in any hurry to stop the stroking. "Thank you for forcing me to come down here."

McCoy waited patiently for his own thank you, then cleared his throat pointedly. Kirk and Spock looked at him as if they had forgotten he was there. Kirk beamed. "Thank you, Bones!" he said. "You fixed him." But he went back to staring at Spock before McCoy could reply.

McCoy rolled his eyes again, then grinned as something occurred to him. "You know," he said, "as a doctor, I feel I should tell you the best cure for a bruise is a kiss."

Both Kirk and Spock looked at him in horror. "Doctor, I would prefer if you did not kiss me," Spock said.

McCoy rolled his eyes yet again. At this rate they were going to fall out, except that was impossible, as he knew because he was a doctor. "I meant Jim should kiss you!"

Kirk blushed red and Spock blushed green. "Are you sure that'll help?" Kirk asked.

"It does not seem logical," Spock added.

"Hey, who's the doctor here?"

Bowing to his superior medical skills, Kirk and Spock leaned in. Their lips met and it was like time stopped, but then McCoy realised that was just the broken chronometer. He really should get that fixed.

Kirk and Spock kissed and kissed and kissed. They kissed so long that McCoy got bored and retreated to his office to tell everyone that he won the pool about when Kirk and Spock would get together, because of course it was obvious to everyone except them.

Finally, after Nurse Chapel had gotten a horrible surprise and run away sobbing (not that Kirk and Spock noticed), they pulled apart. "Oh, James, my sweet ashayam t'hy'la," Spock whispered. "I love you and I want to bond with you and possibly adopt several adorable babies."

"Oh, Spock, that would be wonderful!" Kirk exclaimed. "We should get bonded right away, even though we are in sickbay and only declared our feelings thirty seconds ago."

Spock blushed again and gave Kirk the secret smile he saved only for him. "We should retire to our quarters," he said. "The only way to form a bond is through lots and lots of sex, and I do not think the doctor would approve."

Kirk grinned at the thought of sex and grabbed Spock's hand. "Let's go, then," he said enthusiastically. "My snookie-ookums."

They hurried through the ship hand in hand, and each crewmember they passed forgot what they were doing to applaud their commanders' new relationship. It was what everyone on the ship had been waiting for, after all. Forget exploring strange new worlds, _this_ was the true joy of working in Starfleet.

When they reached Kirk's quarters (because it was closer) they took off all their clothes and looked at each other. Spock's member looked exactly like Kirk's sexy love stick, except it was green and had an extra ridge behind the head. "Baby, why does it have two ridges?" Kirk asked curiously.

Spock looked down. "I do not know, ashayam," he said. "It has always been a mystery to our people."

"Still," Kirk said. "It is fortunate that humans and Vulcans are so similar in this way. Now we can get on with the sex without worrying about differences!"

Spock blushed again, as he often did at talk of sex. "Yes, t'hy'la, the sex."

Kirk rummaged in his drawer. Even though he had never been with a man, he had an assortment of lube of all types (probably in case of a lube-related emergency of some kind). He spent a while staring at them, then took the most basic one.

Spock stared at the lube. "We have not even discussed what kind of sex we are having, ashayam," he pointed out. "We may not even need that."

Kirk shook his head firmly. "No, Spock. Everyone knows the only proper way for two men to have sex is to do it in the butt. And so we must."

Spock nodded slowly. "That is logical. Very well, James." He lay back on the bed and spread his legs. "Fuck me," he said, blushing again.

Kirk squeezed some of the lube onto his fingers, then pushed one finger into Spock. It was tight, but it quickly loosened up due to Spock's superior Vulcan muscle control. Kirk added another finger and then crooked them _just so_. Spock gasped and his jade pillar began to self-lubricate. "James," he murmured. "Fuck me now!"

"No, my love," Kirk replied. "We must do this by the book." He pushed in another finger, to make three, and then scissored them a bit. Spock seemed pretty well prepared by that point, so Kirk pulled his fingers out and spread the remaining lube on his deep-pink sex-muscle.

He pushed into Spock slowly and it was awesome and meaningful and like coming home and it immediately ruined him for anyone else. He pumped in and out, getting faster and faster, and then Spock reached up and melded them and they both crashed over the edge together, screaming.

"That is it, t'hy'la," Spock said, when they came back down from the high of amazing Vulcan sex. "We are bonded now and will be together for the rest of our lives and probably beyond. I will know all your thoughts and we will never be able to get away from each other even if we want to."

"That sounds wonderful, honey bun," Kirk said, tears running down his cheeks. "As long as we have lots more sex."

And they did.


End file.
